I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
