I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I currently don't understand fingers.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
