please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
