HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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