wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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