This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
