I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
