Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
