there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
