what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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