ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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