Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
