We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
