so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
