): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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