The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
