sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
