oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i believe in u and ur pee
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize