I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
