On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
