I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
