YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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