tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
