OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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