Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
