I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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