forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just google imaged poop.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
