i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
