Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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