don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
