I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
