come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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