There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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