So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
