she woke up with a sticky ear
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
