everyone is single if you try hard enough
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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