She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
