I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize