imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize