In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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