So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
