yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
