Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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