As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
