You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
