And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
