i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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