I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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