I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
