My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
