I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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