hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
