im drinking this country out of the recession.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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