i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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