She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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