HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
