i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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