Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
