Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
