So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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