Sober January is a disaster.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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