His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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