Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
