After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize