in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
