you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ketchup is God's man juice
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
