I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I want her autograph on my taint
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
