You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dicks are not precious.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
