i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
