we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
