she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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