On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize