A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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