Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
