I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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