We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
