Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He's on the porch naked. Help.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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