my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
