I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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