at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
