Kiss
Puke
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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