***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Welp...herpes.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
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