rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize