I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
