you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
