Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
