Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
