I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize