I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
