Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
