Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
