He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
