Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
