i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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