he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
