I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
