what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
